The ‘Black Pearl’ (Listen MP3 Audio), a black woman, is the soul of our nation. The Black Pearl carries with her significant and immeasurable burden. She holds the incomparable roles as the main caregiver and with the diminishing prominence of the Dark Chocolate Man in our families, she has become the bread-winner. The Black Pearl can be defined as a true love provider, who gives love, often at the expense of not adequately caring for herself. I think that the Black Pearl is a super woman.
One such super woman was Nanny of the Maroons, a Jamaican heroine and a famous military leader “that became a symbol of unity and strength for her people during times of crisis".
We all have at least one super woman in our lives. I have been very privileged to have many amazing Black Pearls in my life. My exposure and knowledge of the Black Pearl started at birth, when I was delivered and nurtured by my first Black Pearl, my mom, who provided me endless love. My mom demonstrated undeniable strength and commitment to the growth and development of our family. She delivered 13 children and mothered many more including my other siblings, nieces, nephews and many children of the community. She was uncompromising about discipline, respect for others and she was an angel of God. Mom provided the purest love of all love. Her love was manifested in the home she created; her sensitive deep hugs, her preaching and teaching using the word of God and her dedication to her children’s growth and development.
My knowledge of the Black Pearl was further enhanced by other black women. I grew up with 6 sisters, one of which I consider as my second mom. My many aunties, nieces, cousins and in-laws are also included in the number of Black Pearls I am blessed to have in my life. I am also married to a strong Black Pearl who gave me the privilege of being the father of four beautiful Black Pearls. Growing up in a large, diverse family provided me a unique opportunity to engage with women of varying personalities and attitudes. These ladies influence how I serve, love and respect the Black Pearl. Outside of my family, I was also impacted by many Black Pearls in school, work, business and social engagements. These Black Pearls included my school teachers who imparted to me most of the knowledge I have, my classmates who provided me my best cross gender socialization, work colleagues who supported my professional development and my friends who are my biggest supporters.
Most Black Pearls I know have a number of important characteristics that include, but are not limited to the following:
● Workaholism - a workaholic, who works in multiple professional fields, while still being a provider and care giver to her family.
● God-fearing - an ardent Christian, who is led by the word of God. The church and its teachings are central to her life, she lives by “love your neighbor as yourself”.
● Family-oriented - live for family, most of her energy and time is dedicated to the pursuit of the advancement of her family.
● Philanthropism - community builder, she worked hard to build her community to make it a better place for her family and friends.
● Strong Morals - high moral standards, displayed in her speech, attire, the company she keeps and the places she visits.
The life of the Black Pearl is impacted significantly by the relationships that she creates and shares with women and men alike:
Women on Women Relationships
I should not get into this “cat fight”, but I will. Sometimes it is necessary to delve deeper into very sensitive and hard issues. Some people believe that women are the biggest and most unfair critics of other women. They say that competition among women will continue to be triggered by the following reasons:
1. Fierce & Dominant
Black Pearls are naturally very dominant and fierce in all aspects of their lives. Many women are naturally driven and can come across as competitive in aspects of their intellect, physical beauty and life security. She works very hard to create success and development; she becomes very defensive when her accomplishments are questioned by anyone, especially other women.
2. Credit For Their Work & Success
Many Black Pearls have to work hard for their place in this world. Their work is often underrecognized and undervalued. The Black Pearl is often counted out and looked over, and society unfairly treats their efforts as less than that of their male counterparts. Unfortunately, some women have been unknowingly, and systemically brainwashed, into thinking that the rivalry is among women - resulting in dismissing the efforts and hard work of other women and opting to credit their successes to: 1) who they are associated with, 2) have sexual relations with or 3) the physical attributes of their bodies.
3. Friendships
Black Pearls share strong emotional relationships with other women, sometimes even stronger than with men. The result is that her best friend knows her deepest secrets, sometimes more than her boyfriend or husband. This makes it very important for a woman to select their friends wisely; as a poorly chosen friend can be a detriment.
4. Relationships With Men
A Black Pearl’s relationship with her man is very important to her. However, there is a well-known and heavily documented shortage of black men. More than 1 in 10 black men in their 20s or early 30s are currently incarcerated and only half of black boys graduate high school. The Dark Chocolate Man is in short supply, so there is fierce competition for him. Often times, another woman is the source of interruption and dislocation of her relationship with her boyfriend or husband. For this reason, most women have a natural distrust of other women (which I believe they should). Significant levels of contention that exist between women are caused by the Dark Chocolate Man.
Dark Chocolate Man and Black Pearl
Women on Men Relationships
Men will continue to be a big problem in the Black Pearl’s life due to a variety of reasons. Some women describe the Dark Chocolate Man in unsavory terms such as, “John Crows”, “Dogs” or even “Mongrels”. These are unfortunate labels used to describe another human being; however, some of us are deserving of them. These labels have been tagged on men due to characteristics such as:
1. Cheating
Some women believe that the genetic makeup of a man makes him predisposed to being a cheater. Some men believe it is their duty to satisfy the physical needs of the Black Pearl, who are unsatisfied in that area, which then leads him to cheat. Although society has progressed since barbaric times, these acts have been a part of human existence from ancient civilization and will likely continue. This is not something the Black Pearl wants to hear, but it is also a reality.
2. Abusive Behaviour
People that hold power can sometimes abuse and exploit it. For centuries, men have been the main power brokers on earth, the result is a patriarchal society, characterized by abuse and exploitation of others. Unfortunately, many Black Pearls continue to be emotionally, mentally and physically abused by men.
3. Scamming
Many men are con artists aka scammers, it is now a full-time job for many men in the Caribbean, and around the world. Many women are swept off their feet by “sweet talking” men, whispering “sweet nothings”, and being ingenuine. As long as women continue to be motivated by compliments, love verses and smooth-talking men, they will continue to lose their valuable assets, including money, their savings, and their hearts to these men.
4. Lying
Some men lie for the “protection” of their Black Pearls and to continue to hold onto the best of both worlds. In some instances, women know that their men are lying and deceiving them, but they want to “access” the best of both worlds too. Some women engage in what are called “white lies”, and will make the case and imply that these lies are less important and less impactful.
Dr. DF’s Suggestions
Black Pearls be proud of your blackness! You should remain strong, have a sense of pride, persevere to achieve your aspirations and be proud to exemplify your uniqueness. I would love to suggest the following for your consideration:
1. Black Pearl, you should NEVER use your body to define who you are. Your physical beauty represents the best of God's creation, and you are so much more than a pretty face or a sexy physique. The Dark Chocolate Man is more attracted to the strong and powerful decisions you make and the love and affection that you give that nurture our nation.
2. Black Pearl, you should not allow men, the media or the historical wrongs perpetrated against you to retard your progress and aspirations. Own your own destiny, accept that you have control of working to produce the outcomes you desire. Continue to utilize your energy, drive and strength of character to empower you to be the best version of yourself.
3. Black Pearl, you should always love, care and treat yourself well. Your body and soul are vessels that must be honored and treated with the greatest regard and respect. Do not allow anyone to abuse and disrespect you physically, mentally or emotionally. If today you find yourself imprisoned by this type of situation, break free and seek help.
4. Black Pearl, you should never allow the spoken word to become bullets that puncture your self-esteem or kill your will-power. Remember, you only empower your detractors when you allow their words to cause you hurt. There is much truth in the saying “there is power in the tongue”, so speak light and life over yourself and blossom into greatness.
5. Black Pearl, your vulnerability is more desirable than you know. Your ability to love and care for others is linked directly to the soft gentle love that is invested in your heart. Your sweet soul is who you are; a mother, a provider, a care giver and a supporter of all. Our nation will continue to be indebted to this vulnerability and the expression of love that you give to us all.
6. Black Pearl, you have the right to dress as you desire, but be careful how you redesign your body. When you use your hard-earned money to do plastic surgery on parts of your body – your face, breast, stomach, etc. this could have detrimental impacts on your health. These surgeries may produce initial short-term perceived benefits, but in the long-term, they could create serious health consequences for you. God has made us all in his image, so everything in his sight is made beautiful and so are you.
7. Black Pearl, you have been blessed with beautiful melanin skin. Be proud of your blackness. Bleaching your black skin can and will cause significant harm to your health. It is even more devastating as it compromises the authenticity and strength of your identity as a Black Pearl. Your heart makes you who you are, not your complexion.
8. Black Pearl, you are the determinant of who becomes a father, therefore you determine the birth of all children. Protect your body, ensure that anyone you select to be a father, takes the responsibility to take care of you and your baby seriously. Always be mindful of the sweet-talking Dark Chocolate Man.
9. Black Pearl, you should never "see and be blind". Mothers of boys, you see and know most of the bad or good things they do. You should not condone with things that will compromise you and the community in which you live. Continue to grow your kids to become the best adults they can be, if they go astray of the law thereafter, you cannot be held accountable for their actions. Seek help for them if they go afoul of the law.
10. Black Pearl, provide your full support to help and empower other black women. Empower them by being a sister, a friend and mentor. Take time out to provide your expertise and experiences to other women to save them from the difficult pathway you have travelled. Breaking the glass ceiling will require many gangs, warriors and troops of Black Pearls to shatter it. You all are fighting for the same cause of equity and equality for all Black Pearls. There is space for many success stories and powerful women in the world, so take your place and make room for other Black Pearls.
Conclusion
Black Pearl, you are truly the soul of our nation. This has placed tremendous responsibilities on your shoulders, but God has made you worthy of carrying this burden. Your influence and dedication to us have brought remarkable development to us all.
Black Pearls such as Cleopatra, Rosa Parks, Mary Seacole, Maya Angelou and our very own Nanny of the Maroons were legacy builders. These women and several others have blazed a trail that all contemporary women can emulate. As you push on to create many successes, you should continue to be respectfully insistent and resilient. Love yourself and support your black sisters always. TO BE BLACK, IS TO BE PROUD!!!
This blog is dedicated to my four daughters – Shelleone, Donalee, Leone and Alyer.
Special thanks to all the Black Pearls who read and edited this blog.
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