MAN AND MAN ALONE

I have not published a blog since October 2025, as I was and continue to be overcome by the devastation caused by Hurricane Melissa across Jamaica. Since then, I have experienced the phenomena of “writer’s block”; I started a blog on Hurricane Melissa, which, to date, remains incomplete. I could not bring myself to openly discuss people’s pain, sadness and anxieties, caused by the devastating impact of the hurricane, because I thought this would be insensitive and even callous.

Terrible Melissa

More than ½ a year later, seven (7) months to be exact, here is my latest blog!

World Crisis

The 2008 Financial Crisis, COVID-19, Hurricane Melissa and the recent war in Iran created major inflection points in many of our lives. The impact of these events on the male gender are severely and adversely different on their lives. Many men reacted with desperation and pessimism, while others dug deep and fought hard to overcome the dismal circumstances they encountered. For many men, their manhood is defined by the challenges and failures they overcome throughout life.

Manhood is partly a crisis disabler!!

A man’s journey through life is never truly solitary, even though he may feel that he must stand alone. I strongly believe the popular saying, “behind every great man is a great woman”. Experiences and observations have proven that behind every strong man is a network of strong influences: family, faith, hardship, discipline, opportunity, disappointment, and the environment and culture in which he is raised.

The phrase “Man and Man Alone” speaks not only to independence, but also to the responsibilities in his life. Manhood is influenced and nurtured by the people that makes up the community in which a man exists.

Listen to my audio blog or read on to gain deeper insights into my views about manhood.

Nelson Mandella

Social and Spiritual Upbringing

The value and belief system of a man is laid early through social and spiritual exposure. A child first learns values and beliefs from what he sees before he understands what he is told and what his actions are expected to be. Being a provider and protector are key attributes that are demonstrated in the home, which are supported by respect, discipline, honesty, compassion, and accountability, all of which are reinforced by the wider community.

Spiritual upbringing gives a young man an inner compass. Whether through church, prayer, moral teaching, or exposure to faith-based principles, spirituality often teaches love, kindness, humility, self-control, patience, and purpose. A man who develops spiritual grounding is often better able to manage adversity, temptation, success, and disappointment.

Social upbringing, on the other hand, teaches interaction—how to speak, listen, respect others, manage conflict, and understand social responsibility; and it is the immediate communities that are very critical to building these social responsibilities. Communities encourage responsibility, education, and service, all of which tend to produce men who are more balanced and socially aware and accepted.

Marcus Garvey

Father and Male Mentors

The presence of a father or strong male mentor can significantly influence the development and transformation of a boy into manhood. A father often teaches by example: how to work, how to solve problems, how to protect, how to lead, how to make decisions under pressure and even how to love.

Where a father may be absent, male mentors become critical. Teachers, uncles, coaches, pastors, supervisors, and respected elders often fill that gap by offering guidance, correction, encouragement, and practical wisdom.

A young man benefits greatly when he sees positive masculinity demonstrated—strength without aggression, authority without oppression, discipline with compassion, and confidence with humility. It is an amazing advantage to be exposed to an “alpha male” or as some cultures would say, a “manly man”. I am so fortunate to be apart of that statistic of males who were or are at an advantage; to have been raised by an alpha male father and all of nine (9) brothers who have all inspired, taught, and protected me throughout my journey in life.

A father or mentor also teaches an important lesson: that being a man is not simply about age, physical strength, or financial status; it is about character, responsibility, and consistency. I still can hear the harsh and stern voice of my dad saying “always duh yuh bess bowy, nuh matta wah di challenges”.

Even though a man needs a manly man to learn from, he also needs a strong woman, one to provide love, support, encouragement and in some cases companionship; “behind every great man is a great woman”, a famous proverbial phrase celebrating the profound, often uncredited support that women-like mothers, wives and partners provide to successful men.

Queen Nanny

Impact of Mothers, Aunties, and Sisters

The Black Pearl plays an important role in the shaping of a man’s strength of character, resilience of spirit, emotional intelligence and moral understanding. A mother is often the first person to teach fortitude, ambition, love, empathy, philanthropism, patience and emotional security. Her influence can shape how a man later treats women, children, and most importantly, himself.

In the Jamaican context, dedicated aunties are like mothers. They provide additional wisdom, correction, encouragement, and protection, especially in extended family systems. Big sisters are just as important, they are provided delegated responsibility by mothers, they help a boy understand emotional sensitivity, communication, and interpersonal respect for others who are placed over them and are not necessarily their mothers.

Most men get their sensitivity from a woman, a woman is credited with a man’s understanding of gentleness, empathy, resilience, patience, pride and dignity. In most instances discipline comes from male influences, while emotional maturity is often strengthened by a female influence.

The strength and dominance of the Black Pearl is reflected in most Caribbean men. It is said that we are overly masculine because of the strong guidance received from both Caribbean mothers and fathers, however, the feminine flavour of a mother is unmistakable in every man and cannot be argued.

Barack Obama

Key Strengths

A man’s environment can either sharpen his strengths or magnify his weaknesses. Some of the core strengths required to shape a good man include adaptability in difficult circumstances, resilience under pressure, survival instincts, practical problem-solving ability, independence, and determination.

A man must be patient, and take time to adapt to the environmental challenges he will face. Many of these challenges will be unforeseen; as such, he will require strong emotional intelligence to remain resilient under pressure. In many instances, calm and controlled decision-making produces better results than haphazard, out-of-control actions.

In this changing world, a man must have astute survival instincts to manage the burdens and chaos he may encounter. Social and professional learning also becomes important, as effective problem-solving techniques are required to create solutions that are both relevant and sustainable.

A man must be prepared to walk alone, even when others are available to offer support. A man with fierce independence and strong determination can move proverbial mountains. He sees challenges as opportunities and is willing to use failures to foster new successes.

Important notes…

A positive environment can nurture ambition, discipline, and purpose. A negative environment may normalize anger, poor decision-making, and low self-worth.

Exposure is vital to the growth and development of a man. The voices prevailing around a man in most instances will become the ones driving his mind and actions.

Men need alpha males or manly men to create a compass for life and women are needed to foster a man’s emotional intelligence and social stability.

Brothers & Mentors

Important Dr. DF Suggestions

Based on practical life observations, several factors are important for the development of a strong and balanced man:

1. Build character before chasing status. Develop mental and moral qualities that define who you are. You should strive to leverage your knowledge and expertise to help others. Your reputation may open doors, but your character keeps them open. 

2. Seek mentors deliberately. Select strong mentors, and learn from both active and passive ones. Mentors can include several persons, such as family, business associates and friends. Learn from these mentors, especially those who have conquered failures to create success.

3. Respect women and value their influence. Women are among the most important people in the world and must always be respected. They sustain human existence by birthing our children and building our families. You should serve and protect women to build strong nations.

4. Maintain spiritual grounding. You should believe in a higher being and be guided by the teachings of the Bible. A man’s conduct and character should be shaped by the Bible’s 10 commandments and particularly that which states, to “love your neighbour as you love yourself”. Faith helps a man remain steady in uncertain times.

5. Control emotions without suppressing humanity. Always be confident and assertive in achieving your goals. While you excel, be mindful of uplifting and supporting others. Your greatest gift is giving love and respect to others.

6. Choose environments carefully. Associations shape habits, thinking, and destiny. Your circle of friends and acquaintances defines who you are and it is good to be told you are prejudiced against people who lack integrity and honour. Stay away from bad company!

7. Never stop learning. Choose formal and informal ways to build knowledge. Surround yourself with people who can impart knowledge to you, work with top-tier institutions that are ever-changing, and pursue higher learning to create specialized skills. Learning is a lifelong experience.

8. Lead by service, not dominance. Find a cause and make a difference by intentionally giving your time and energy to it. I have chosen to help build BIG infrastructure in Jamaica to enhance the lives and livelihoods of our people. Give a helping hand wherever possible.

"Strong Men are not Born"

Conclusion

It is very common that a man stands alone in decision-making, accountability, and responsibility, but he never creates and builds a life alone. His family, mentors, faith, hardships, and environment all contribute to making him a better man.

For many men, the imperfections and the challenges that they endure and overcome stand out as the most formidable teaching lessons that have made them into the person they have become.

Manhood is not defined by power, wealth, or title. It is defined by the ability to remain principled, responsible, compassionate, and purposeful despite life’s pressures.

Be intentional about the people and environment around you, and be reminded that “strong men are not born, they are made.”

Read more of my blogs at www.donaldfarquharson.com/blog.                

Donate to https://supportjamaica.gov.jm/ to help Jamaica recover from Hurricane Melissa.

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