High Value Men Have Standards Too

Just yesterday, a female friend told me, "A man should not ask a woman out if he knows he cannot afford her." I thought long and hard about this rather presumptuous statement before responding.

Do women understand that men have standards too?

High-Value Man

It is a question worth exploring because it highlights an issue that many men genuinely experience, especially High-Value Men.

And yes, I said High-Value Men!!

A High-Value Man is not simply someone with wealth. He is a man who has established high standards for himself, standards of character, integrity, ambition, discipline, purpose, and self-respect. His choices are not based solely on what he can afford financially, but also on what aligns with his values, priorities, and long-term goals.

My friend was of the view that both genders have a fundamental misunderstanding of relationships. She believes that "both men and women want a traditional type of relationship from each other, but neither is willing to be traditional for the other." This, she argues, is a core problem affecting and undermining the modern dating and relationship landscape.

She further stated, with conviction, that "it is in our DNA for a man's role to be the protector and provider of his family, while a woman's role is to care for the home and family." Whether one agrees with this perspective or not, it reflects a viewpoint held by many. I believe that the traditional order and expectations within relationships have become increasingly misaligned, which have influenced the heated contentions that exist in many relationships.

Men with a Purpose

High-Value Men

A High-Value Man is the sexiest man on earth... Smile, don't be mad at me. Many women may quickly disagree with that statement publicly, but privately, they are often attracted to the qualities associated with these men. He is emotionally mature, financially stable, ambitious, and responsible. He takes excellent care of himself physically, is socially engaged, confident, and, yes, well educated and successful in his professional and business life.

One criticism of a High-Value Man is that he is too ‘boasty’ or thinks he is “all that”. However, a High-Value Man has high standards for himself, and those standards form the foundation of his professional and business success. He is very proud and consciously risk adverse especially after having worked hard to build his career, business and assets, as he understands the ease at which poor decisions can put his accomplishments at risk.

It is on that basis that he also sets high standards for the person he chooses as his partner. He is confident and unapologetic in expressing his preferences, and these are often reflected in the woman who ultimately becomes his partner. He seeks a woman of strong character who is open, reliable, family-oriented, and understands the importance of clearly defined roles within the relationship. Above all, he expects her to demonstrate mutual respect and contribute positively to the partnership through her own core skills and competences.

An educated and successful High-Value Man also understands that his success is often made possible through the contributions of people from all walks of life. He has learned to look beyond superficial differences and instead build relationships across social classes, cultures, and ethnic groups; as a result, some may criticize him for abandoning loyalty to his race when he chooses to date or marry a woman from a different ethnic background.

Many High-Value Men occupy leadership or management positions, where they are responsible for directing people and managing resources. This leadership persona is admired by some and disliked by others, particularly when the same confidence, decisiveness, and authority are carried into a personal relationship. Many women are attracted to a strong, confident, and powerful man; however, challenges can arise when those same leadership qualities are expressed within the relationship itself.

The qualities that make a High-Value Man successful in his professional life and business must be applied in a measured way within a personal relationship to foster a fulfilling and lasting partnership. The key is balance. A healthy relationship does not operate like a workplace, with one person always giving the orders and the other simply following them. The strongest partnerships are built on mutual respect, understanding, communication and compromise. When leadership is balanced with humility, consideration and softness a relationship will always thrive.

Men are Protectors and Providers

Gender Wars

The aggressive debate over the value of each gender’s contribution to a relationship will likely continue for generations. This debate examines who holds the greatest power, responsibility, and advantage within a relationship. The evolving changes in roles of men and women in modern society have only intensified this dialogue.

Measuring the value of each gender’s contribution to a relationship is extremely difficult. There are no universally agreed international standards or units of measurement to quantify these contributions….. SMILE!! As a result, many arguments are shaped and justified by each individual experiences, cultural expectations and personal perspectives.

The debate becomes even more passionate when viewed against the historical marginalization of women across many societies. Women also have the unique biological capacity to conceive, carry, and give birth to children, which places them at the centre of the continuation of families and societies leading to description such as “mother of nations.” Women are simply indispensable; their contributions to our societies are invaluable as they are responsible for the continuation of humanity.  

The dispute regarding gender roles and responsibilities has become further complicated because women have traditionally been assigned the responsibility of serving as our primary caregivers of the family. Historically, women have been expected to attend to the emotional, domestic, and personal needs of the household, while also meeting the intimacy expectations of their partners.  In modern society, many women are now expected to pursue careers and contribute financially, while continuing to carry significant responsibility for childcare and the household.

Men, on the other hand, have traditionally been viewed as providers and builders of economic and physical security. They are expected to create and distribute wealth, protect the family and obtain resources necessary to support the household.  The power, influence, and value associated with a man’s role as a provider and creator of wealth remain among the most contested issues in the gender debate.

Ultimately, the difficulty lies in trying to compare contributions that are fundamentally different in nature. The success of all societies requires the contributions of both women and men alike; society cannot grow or sustain itself without the contribution of all. Cultural and biblical norms have provided the framework through which women and men develop expectations of each other, and unfortunately, as modern societies transition, these norms are increasingly being replaced by individualistic desires and personal interests, which have fuelled contention in relationships between women and men.

The saying, “It takes cash to care,” is important to consider. Financial provision, caregiving, emotional support, childbearing, household management, protection, and wealth creation may all carry significant value, but they are not easily measured against one another. Perhaps the more productive question is not which gender contributes more, but how the contributions of two individuals combine to create a healthy, stable, and mutually beneficial relationship.

 Men and Women at Work

Dr. DF Views

The aggressive dialogue surrounding gender wars has caused extreme polarization across many social spaces. I expect that my own comments may be taken out of context, but I will nevertheless present my perspective.

1. High-Value Men – Too much emphasis is placed on the persona of a High-Value Man. If the value of one person forms the core of the relationship, marginalization will consequently follow, which naturally causes contention. The values brought into a relationship by each gender are equally important for strength and longevity.

   
   

2. Standards – Every relationship should be built on established standards. A relationship grounded in standards derived from cultural and biblical teachings provides a solid framework for consistency and sustainability. We should all have faith in something we believe is real; solid standards make relationships stronger.

   
   

3. Gender – Women and men are different beings. These differences are complex and, in many instances, difficult to fully understand. Navigating gender relationships requires respect and acceptance of the fact that we will never be able to control or dictate the outcomes we desire from each other. 

   
   

4. Maturity – All good relationships are fostered by mature partners. Maturity is an important facet measured by emotional intelligence and not age. Many people enter relationships without the requisite maturity required to navigate and manage the many emotional variables that must be confronted.

   
   

5. Partner – A great relationship is made great based on the selection of not necessarily a good partner, but a compatible one - someone who meets the minimum standards and qualities that you desire. These characteristics may include honesty, spirituality, family orientation, professional and business acumen, and of course, physical attraction.

   
   

6. Wealth – Wars are fought primarily for two (2) major reasons; power and wealth. Gender wars and relationship dysfunctionality are no different, as many couples compete for control and power within their relationships. A healthy relationship should allow for mutual respect irrespective of who earns and builds the wealth of the family.

7. Love – Love is an undying care and commitment given to each other. Each partner must take the time to understand the “love language” of his/her partner, and in doing so, the act of showing love will now be focused of the receiver and not the giver. There is beauty in being loved the way we desire most.  

   
   

8. Value – The value of a person’s contribution will often influence the level of power they hold within a relationship. In businesses, policies and procedures are used to create governance structures that are administered by those entrusted with decision-making authority. The Bible also provides guidance for our lives and the principles by which we should seek to govern ourselves; as such, couples should accept that the value placed on each person’s contribution to a relationship may be different and will also dictate attitude and actions.

Mature Black Love

Conclusion

The gender wars surrounding power and control within relationships appear to be never-ending. The debate has become increasingly contentious, particularly around the demand and desire for High-Value Men. Privately, many women admire the qualities and benefits associated with a High-Value Man’s persona, but publicly, some argue that these same characteristics can make such men too arrogant.

A High-Value Man appears to have an abundance of options when selecting a partner. They are in relatively scarce supply and, consequently, are in high demand. Many women overlook the fact that, while they have established standards for the type of men they seek, high-value men also have minimum standards for the qualities they will accept in a woman.

These men are often vilified and criticized for their choices, when they are simply applying the same disciplined decision-making principles that have contributed to their professional and business success. The real High-Value Man accepts how important his role is, while equally accepting the importance of his partner. It is fundamental to understand that evolution should not define gender roles and responsibilities but instead be explored within the boundaries of the relationship and the requirement of each partner. It is only then that values and standards will be aligned and accepted.

She read this blog and confirmed that High-Value Men are the in thing….. she suggest that every woman should get themselves one!!

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